Well I still work at the telemarketing place. I get a lot of crazies on the phone. I have been working for political causes for the last few days and I have come to the realization that Democrats are fucking crazy. As a Democrat this was a sad realization but whatever I will learn to live with the shame. So I was making a call and talking about the DCCC and this guy cuts me off and says "I hate this fucking fascist government we need to get that Nazi bastard out of the oval! I hate him and his little cronies..." this went on for a long long time. I was so jarred I didn't know what to say and I just stumbled across the rest of my script. Then I was calling for a bill that would get children healthcare and I get a call that went something like this. I described the bill and he made jokes the whole time so I thought he was joking when he said " I don't think kids should have health insurance," to which I replied " Really, they just catagorically shouldn't have healthcare"? I was joking. Turns out he was not. " No I don't I think they should have healthcare, and as a doctor I know that this is all bunk, you come to my clinic one day and see who you treat." so I say " um it was my understanding that health insurance helped people get healthcare." This throughs him int a rage and he says
"I support people on a local level and that is all I need to do right now." I figure eh dudes already pissed I say" Well this bill expands local government so it would work at a local level. He hung up. My favorite call was from this old lady who kept cursing then apologizing at one point she says " Oh I am sorry dear I am just 75 years old and after all these years I have just decided that I just don't give a fuck anymore." This woman is my hero. Sorry this is so disjointed guys I am watching bad murder dramas on Fox right now, it can't be helped. You know one of those shows with a devestatingly handsome dark-haired man, and smart blonde who wears tank tops and a big gun.
Anyway my friend Leslie used to work at the same place and she was telling me about one of the old men that works there. He is an old guy with the a halo of long gray hair who wheres chino shorts and bad "dad" button-down printed shirts. He is goofy and old and a little creepy. The type of guy who looks at you for that one half a second too long, and rests his hand on your shoulder just long enough to make you uncomfortable. She was walking home from work one day and home-boy rolls up along side her and yells " Hey Leslie you wanna come with me to smoke a bowl"? The best part about this old ass man hitting on a 22 year old girl was the fact that he has a 13 year old daughter. Now, just in case you are wondering that is one sign that your dad is a ghetto ass white trash perv. Leslie, as you can imagine, respectfully declined. And I am assuming that oldy mc pervyton went home and diddled himself while watching the Patrick Swayze classic film Roadhouse.

I think I am losing my soul. I have been working at this telemarketing place for a week and I am slowly realizing that it is a bit like a Chuck Palanhuik novel. I sit in my little box with my Madonna headset staring at a box. Reading the program. Mindlessly fulfilling the task at hand. A busy little drone tapping away at my computer.

People don't matter in the world of telemarketing.

We are told that we must perform "The Complete Call". The supervisors chant this like a sick mantra. Their eyes glaze over and the talk about how " If you perform the complete call you WILL be successful"! It is a magical formula of words meant to twist the soft minds of the people we call. If we follow this pattern, we will get pledges. It is the ultimate goal,the true standard of whether or not you will fit in as a telemarketer. The Complete Call dictates that we ask for money three times: "NO MATTER WHAT"! One handed Dave often harps. If we fail to do this we will get written up, diciplinary action will be pursued and worse yet we wont get pledges.

This is why I think I am losing my soul.
This is why I say people don't matter in the world of telemarketing.

The woman on the other line says:

" I don't think I can give $100 right now I just can't afford it"
"That's ok" I say " That is a pretty large amount it doesn't fit into everybody's budget what about a more modest gift of $75"
" Well my son has cancer and we are trying really hard to deal with that right now..." she trails off, she sounds like she is going to cry.
" I understand ma'am, once again we do have different levels of support," I give her information about the organization we are calling for. " Do you think you could support us with a smaller gift of $50?"

Most of my life I have been fairly certain that I am going to Hell. I hate children, I mock the disabled under my breath, I laugh at the misfortune of others etc. But for the most part when I do all those things I don't mean them, well I only half mean them (except for the hating kids thing,why do people have them? if I had a tumor removed I wouldn't keep it and dress it up in clothes and buy it stuff). Anyway, any good karma or god-cred I had bulit up is gone now because of this job and there is no doubt in my mind that I am going to hell.

It is almost funny, well more like absurd. It is so obviously wrong but everyone else seems ok with asking these people for money. I guess you start to dehumanize people. I caught myself doing this. I felt myself stop caring halfway through my shift. I fully realized that I was becoming jaded when a woman said the following to me:

" I am a widow who is living on a pension, I just found out that I have trouble with my eye and I don't know what they will qualify me as I may be going blind"
To which I responded:
" Well these certainly are hard times for all of us perhaps you could give a $50 pledge in loving memory of your husband"
She hung up

I waited for the next call

Diane had a huge ass. It was massive and the horrible lime green skirt she was wearing only made her ass appear larger. She had on a gaudy white shirt with a an ugly floral print on it. Her hair was knarled and a blondish green color, it spilled down her back and swung just above her waist. I hated her on sight. She had a sad desperation about her. She had that annoying self-rightous quailty that made her seem haughty. She looked like she hat multiple cats and scented candles, and horrible knick knacks. It bothers me when I meet people like that. They should loathe themselves and sit in shame as they catalogue their many shortcomings, there is no reason for them to have self-esteem.
I am a telemarketer, well a "telefundraiser" and Diane was sitting next to me. Let me recap this for you, I work as a telemarketer, and today i am sitting next to one of the social rejects that works there. Seriously, this place is like Wal-Mart really late at night. For example, one of my supervisors is named Dave but my friend Leslie affectionatly calls him One Handed-Dave because, well, he has one hand. His left hand has no fingers he has a palm and little knotted nubs that end where the first knuckle should be. Whenever she talks about him she perks up and says " One-Handed Dave, oh the things that one hand can do". You can see why I love Leslie. Anyway, I got stuck next to freak show Diane, and I knew it was going to be a long shift when she pulled out her black panther beanie baby and started petting it. The fat long haired middle aged man next to her, took a break from reading his George Carlin book to ask her, " Why did you bring that"? Now the best part of my day was hearing her answer.
" He is very soothing and I found out this morning that he is very powerful too, I woke up this morning and I felt something behind my neck and I thought it was Shadows tail because sometimes he gets in my bed, Shadow my cat. And so I stopped turning because I didn't want to roll over on the cat but then I heard shadow in the other room and I realized it was the panther."

Now there are several things that are glorious about this explaination:
1) "He is soothing and powerful" what the fuck? ok what made this statement better was the fact that she was staring into it's eyes and petting it as she did this
2) It was behind her neck which means she sleeps with it
3) She has a cat named Shadow does that not scream 36 year-old virgin

Long story short I hope she stays out of the gene-pool